chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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