It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
