on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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