sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
