Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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