I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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