I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
