): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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