Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
