I'll bet she douches with gravy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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