Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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