i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
