the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
