Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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