are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
