Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
