what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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