I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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