They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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