Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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