he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
