mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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