RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
