ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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