ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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