Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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