Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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