You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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