She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
