i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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