He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
