I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
