Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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