I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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