So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
