Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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