i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
