Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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