your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
