laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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