i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
