I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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