we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
