one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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