i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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