Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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