YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well you can't waste a boner
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
