What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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