Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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