Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
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