My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
