Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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