her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
