i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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