4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
