come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
