Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
