she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
