Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
