I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
