i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
