I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
