I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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