Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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