I accidentally burped into my bong.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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