I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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