i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
this hospital has no fireball
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
