I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
