why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
