Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
