you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
