just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
