great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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