Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
