You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
