I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
