I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
